deep thoughts: on marriage

I had the most amazing, impromptu date with my husband last night. Nothing spectacular; we just had drinks and talked for 5 hours. We talked about us, our son, family, business, politics, religion, colleagues, money, how we want to be when we are old (I’ve been notified that my husband will be an ‘old flirt’ when he’s 80 – thanks for the warning, honey) and philosophical issues such as helping the world.

After being married all these years (we’ll celebrate our 16th anniversary in July), I’m still amazed on how we work together. Marriage is a tricky business, the hardest “job” you’ll ever have (besides parenting). It’s a life long career that requires dedication, humor and patience.

So today, if you will indulge me, I’m going to share my own experience on sustaining your marriage:

  • Tolerance; We are accepting of each others faults, quirks, opinions and the fact that there are some things that we cannot or will ever, change about each other. And that’s okay.
  • Intimacy; Not marital relations, but really connecting with your loved one by hugging, touching, looking into their eyes when they speak. Say, “I love you” every time he/she leaves or when you end every phone call. We do.
  • Establish Ground Rules for Arguments; This is huge! No name calling, throwing things, hitting or kicking walls, etc. Stick to the subject of the argument and then don’t hold a grudge. Try hugging after you’ve yelled at each other, you’ll see a different perspective.
  • Put your Spouse First; We’re a team. If we had to choose, we choose each other. Every time. That’s over parents, siblings, family or friends. Interestingly, if you set those boundaries, no one ever asks you to break them.

Thanks for listening. – saundra

9 replies
  1. Aeleise
    Aeleise says:

    Tis is amazing advice. I just wrote a blog post ruminating on how different marriage is from playing house. Thank you for the insight.

    Reply
  2. Tammy
    Tammy says:

    Funny I should come across this just now. Had a bit of a tiff with hubby….I thought he should watch out for the pedestrian crossing the highway…just thinkin’…

    Anyway, married 25 years…a work in progress.

    Thanks for the timely advice!

    Reply

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