did you marry your best friend?

The genius Atom Smasher (well he added that title) posted on Facebook an interesting comment today that inspired this post (I’ve paraphrased to protect the innocent).

I can’t stand it when girls say, “I married my best friend’. Your best friend is the person you call to complain about to your husband.

He really does have a point. The things I talk to my besties about is often very different than what I discuss with my husband. Usually because he actually MAY be the topic of the conversation.


I will say that I’m very upfront with my husband. I do not play that coy, girlie, guess-what-is-wrong-with-me, game. You know the one, ladies …

Him: What’s wrong?

Me: (silence) Nothing. (shrug)

Him: Ok.

Me: (sulking silence, why doesn’t he KNOW what is wrong?)

I’m not a mind reader and don’t expect him to be one either. So rest assured, when he is making me mad or not doing what I feel he should be doing, he hears about it. Clearly. Ok, sometimes loudly. By the time I get to calling one of my besties, it’s to complain about how he’s not changing his behavior. Or complain about kids. Girls are always talking about kids.

My take on this? When others refer to their spouses as their “best friend” — it’s really referring that this is THE person you show your most vulnerable side, the real side of you, good or bad, 24/7. Your bestie doesn’t see that, there is always a little bit of a cloak, otherwise they probably wouldn’t be friends with you.

What do YOU think?

plan on!

ps I may lose a best friend with this photo. Kelly McWilliams is so special to me. And when we Facetime, we make fun of the way we look.


2 thoughts on “did you marry your best friend?”

  1. Is it weird that I don’t complain about my husband? He’s not perfect… but neither am I. His good outweighs his bad by about 95%. I just never really bought into the complaining to a friend about a husband thing… I’m really sure that makes me in the 1% of the population here.

    Maybe I’m just not a big complainer, in general.
    (except when it comes to kids. I’m OK complaining about kids. LOL)

    Anyways – I do agree that husbands and best friends are often mutually exclusive. AND – I think that is GOOD and HEALTHY. Someone taught me (actually it was my husband) that not everyone can fill every single role in your life. You can’t expect ONE SINGLE PERSON to embody EVERY role that you need. People have their strengths. Some people are good to talk to, some people are good to party with, some people are good as business partners, some people are good as godparents to your kids, some people are good as running partners, some people are good at keeping secrets.

    In high school, you expect your ‘bestie’ to be your be-all-end-all… to fill all these roles… and then one day you learn she is human … and after disappointment (and maturity) you learn to accept their limitations. Husbands are like that too.

    My husband is great at being a true partner in our family – he cooks, cleans, takes care of kids… and still can hold an intelligent conversation with me… and he’s my preferred person to vacation with. Would I ever want him on a shopping outing with me? HELL NO. Would I ever ask for his advice on handbags? HELL NO. Did I expect he chime in on every decision at our wedding? HELL NO.

    I’ve got my girls for that. (And I know which girl to call for which need.)

    1. Pleeeeease. Everyone complains here and there. I’m not talking about discussing or complaining about the really personal dynamics of your relationship (no good can come from that). Just general silly things. Women are natural gatherers of information and we share. The real key here: if I complain that my husband did not “…..xyz….”, he already KNOWS that I am mad at him for not doing “…..xyz…..”. Get my point? I’m not complaining behind his back. And he would just think it’s funny anyway.

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