should an engaged couple lie to your wedding vendor?

I’ve got a bee in my bonnet. (and apparently I’m a 150 years old by using that phrase).

Surfing the Internets I found this (ahem) gem of a post (by an author, I can only assume is NOT a wedding professional) suggesting to brides to LIE to their vendors to get better deals on their wedding…. (her quote)

“…when dealing with certain vendors I have a better word that gives you, the bride/groom, more wiggle room: LIE.”

Let’s let that sink in for a moment. Nobody likes to be deceived. Not brides. And NOT vendors.

People believe that if the word “wedding” is attached to products/services that it will cost you more money.

There is some truth to that, but you have delve further for clarification. WHY?

Weddings are as unique as the bride and groom. They are intensely more important than your average party. Therefore, expectations run high, as well as labor and materials to create your vision. Specific materials are requested. Therefore, so may the cost of your products/services be increased. You have to compare apples to apples.

Does this make sense?

What this author so ineptly missed was that ordering the exact same flowers that sit in a vase (for a corporate lunch centerpiece) IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT from the exact same flowers put together in a bridal bouquet that will not fall apart a few hours into photos.

Are we really comparing the two? I think I’m being punk’d.

It’s called LABOR, EXPERIENCE and additional MATERIAL. It’s much more than just, (author’s quote, wait for it)..

“The only difference is how the flowers are held together”.

No kidding. If you could see my face.

There is an art to creating a wedding bouquet of flowers. Stems need to be wired together, floral tape strategically used (so it doesn’t show) to keep the bouquet from falling apart. And the most important thing, it takes labor, experience and material. When running a business, these things are not free.

Would you want to come to work for your employer on an 8 hour shift and then only be paid for 6 hours? Um, no.

There are more flaws in her theories to saving money with regards to limo companies. If you ran a limo company, you would have to charge a minimum of hours (standard in this area is two hours). Put it this way, would you want your wedding limo making another run while you are getting married? What if there is traffic? What if you want to leave the church early? Poof! No limo. Not going to fly at a wedding. Not when you have other vendors (photographer, videographer, catering, DJ) on the clock waiting for the bride and groom.

Finally, (as if this cannot get anymore epic) when she targeted cake bakers, (I prefer cake designers). What type of scary wedding cake is she suggesting?

“Have a half sheet placed on top of a full sheet and decorate away. It will come out costing less than the full scale wedding cake and you’ll get just as many ooohs and aaahs.”

On what planet will that get “ooohs and aaahs”? A two layer sheet cake that is abnormal in size? Ever try to put together a four tier wedding cake? You want to talk about labor, experience and material … I’ve DEALT WITH the tilted DIY wedding cakes that we had to cut early or the guests would be scooping their dessert off the floor.

Please, please, please, PLEASE KNOW…

Wedding vendors work tirelessly for your wedding. While weddings may be a “billion dollar industry”, one or two vendors are not making that kind of money. While there are some unscrupulous wedding vendors out there (what industry doesn’t have those jerks). The majority of us aren’t out to gauge, lie or steal from you. We make a living and help you achieve a beautiful day to remember.

Oh, and we work our a$$es off doing it.

You can read her full article here.

ps If you liked this article then please Tweet about it or Comment below. Cannot wait to hear from you.

plan on!

26 thoughts on “should an engaged couple lie to your wedding vendor?”

  1. I have a collegue that is a cake designer and she had a bride use this logic on her. She told her it was her engagement party but it was her wedding day when she showed up with the cake. The bride told all her vendors it was her engagement party and they were all ****ed off. As good vendors, they all completed their job and delivered their product but no one was happy about what she did.

  2. Oh my goodness. This makes me want to change my contract and say that if you lie to me our contract is void. I would be beyond upset. She is right, there is always a somewhere else. But when it comes to photography, that somewhere else probably doesn’t have a Master’s Degree in Photography. I wouldn’t want to shoot a wedding with bad flowers, cake, and a bride in tears because she wishes she had never read that article. What a nightmare.

  3. I was talking to a very smart business owner who was getting married and she was doing this exact thing to her vendors… I was shocked and asked her why, she was getting married on the July 4th holiday and she was thinking that the vendors would rake her over the coals… i told anyone in their right mind would because, they have to pay their employees time & half or more since it was the holiday weekend not because it was a wedding.

    great post!

  4. I also think that doing this assumes that your vendors are stupid. Like a photographer won’t figure this out upon arrival to the event? Or a bakery won’t connect the dots when they see an order for a four-teir white fondant cake for a “birthday”? Plus, I found that often vendors went above and beyond for my wedding day simply because it was my WEDDING and not a random event. The hotel was more accommodating to requests because it was my wedding, the bakery fixed an error with the rehearsal dinner cake (and baked me a new cake mere hours before the event) because they were doing my wedding cake, my manicurist did extra-good work because it was for my wedding- the list goes on!

    If you are going to treat your vendors with such disrespect, how on earth would you expect them to handle you and your event?

  5. Wow, there is so much need for really good knowledge! The original posted article was done by a person with NO wedding experience (in fact knitting and weddings dont even belong on the same planet!)
    Very sad and your response was dead on!

  6. My mother opened a bridal salon when I was 11 and I left when I was 20, I couldn’t take the selfish brides anymore. When one commented how dare we be late for a fitting when my father was dying broke me. I had so many amazing brides that made me want to move heaven and earth for them, however it’s hard to get past the ones who make a bad name for brides. Thank you so much for this post!

  7. Firstly, I cannot say how much I love this (your reaction to it all, not the fact that this actually goes on). Secondly, does this crazy girl not think that wedding vendors know each other and talk to each other? I mean, your photographer and/or wedding planner at least has to know that it is actually a wedding. And your officiant. Oh yeah, and your venue. Do they really think that the florist and cake designer are that cut off from the rest of your wedding vendors? Ummm, no.

    Moral of the story: people are craaaaazy!

  8. Oh, and I love the line “only difference is how the flowers are held together.” Well, the only difference between a house and a pile of Bricks, pipes, cement, wood, wire, etc. is how it’s put together too.

  9. Ahhhhh, this is terrifying. 🙁 I really dislike the thought pattern that all people think that we just ramp up costs because it’s a wedding. I am a full time photographer and a professional one, so you are also paying for my GIANT liability insurance, errors and omissions insurance, camera insurance, taxes, business advertising overhead, 40hr work week, etc. I could go on and on. There was a hilarious (yet deeply disturbing) Craigslist ad going around a few months ago with a bride who said, “It doesn’t cost you ANYTHING to take pictures, so why are you charging me more than $100?” Like, really? Really?

  10. Why would you ever choose a vendor that you felt like you had to lie to in order to get affordable service? If you think your vendor is trying to cheat you, then for goodness sake, find a new vendor, don’t try to cheat him/her back!

  11. OH sweet jesus I nearly fell off my chair reading that horrifying article and yes I think the shock that someone would actually think that’s ‘all’ wedding vendors do! I’m new to the industry and I’m definitely finding out what exactly goes behind the scenes & before a wedding! YIKES for a bride who listens to this Crazy Lady!

  12. I hate to be the odd-bride-out on this post, but while I don’t advocate lying to any vendors, some brides are really not that high-maintenance. And because of that, we really hate how expensive things are. I really don’t consider our wedding any more important than any other type of family party. So no, I do not need perfectly wrapped flowers and such a labor-intensive cake. But because wedding vendors kept pushing us that we “needed” all this stuff to have a “perfect” day, we decided to ditch all vendors except for a photographer. We’re getting married at a campground, we’re self-catering it, having a family member officiate, and I’ll make my own imperfect centerpieces and bouquet. I feel bad for most brides. They can’t see through all this marketing that convinces us that we need an amazing, detail-filled day. For me, I just want to marry the man I love and then celebrate with my family afterwards! So instead of automatically giving brides the wedding price, why don’t you give them some options? Yes, your bouquet could be less expensive. It might not be as perfectly wrapped, but it will be fine. Or, sure, we can charge you less for your limo, but we may do some other pickups in between. At least give them some options. Don’t automatically assume that we’re all the same zombie brides.

    1. @Melissa, thank you so much for posting! I congratulate you on your priorities, marrying the man that you love and committing yourself is the most important aspect of your day. I tell our clients that all the time. Because spending hours lamenting over shades of purple is seriously, not that important. And your centerpieces will be lovely, because YOU will love them.

      Everyone is different as are their priorities. A girl’s dream for a lavish wedding is just as real as someone who does not opt for that choice. It’s what makes the world go round. I support both viewpoints.

      I’m not sure what vendors you encountered, but we absolutely give our clients choices. If they are wanting to stay within a certain budget, then we will accommodate that. And sorry, it’s a matter of principal, but you know that if you are PAYING for a bouquet, then it should be wrapped correctly so it doesn’t fall apart.

      What we cannot do, is give a bride a bouquet that is valued at $185 for only $75. We would be out of business. I like to stay in business, it’s how I feed my family. I don’t blame brides for wanting this type of deal! Remember, I’m a consumer as well. I really would of liked to pay a “Dell Laptop price” for my new “MacBook Pro”. Instead I paid twice as much for quality and perceived value.

      Your special wedding day is a day in the office for wedding vendors. It’s business. I make no apologies for that. It’s legitimate and it makes people happy. The premise of the article that was highlighted here was insulting.

      And nobody “pushes” anyone into anything. You’ve made your choice for something different. Others make their choices accordingly.

      Best wishes to you and yours and Happy Wedding!

    2. For you sake, @Melissa, I hope that you had a legal wedding. Having a family member who is not ordained AND IN ACTIVE MINISTRY officiate at a wedding is not legal in some states. Having a family member or friend get “ordained” via the Internet is not legal in Connecticut, for example.

      Professional photographers are important. They will capture the event for all time. Congratulations on having the wisdom to have a professional.

  13. I am also going to be a odd-bride-out. I recently lived through my sisters wedding in Southern California. My sister is a Professional woman with a Masters Degree and her husband is the CFO of a Fortune 500 business. I was appalled at the way vendors continually attempted to high ball and add on to everything my sister requested. Every. Single. Thing. And some would revise their quote up when they found out the venue of the reception. It was amazing. At one point, my sister was in tears and canceled about 1/3 of her vendors 3 months before the wedding. We were correcting errors from the stationers 4 days before the wedding. Errors which were clearly written out and agreed upon.

    Now from personal experience I have two other things to add, as a event vendor myself – I belly dance – the only difference for me between a wedding and a different type of event is the type of set I will offer. I put the same love, experience and energy into Uncle Bob’s 60th birthday party that I’d put into a wedding. this has nothing to do with the event, it has to do with *MY* work ethic. every event is special. And my work is my word and if I am not doing my best work *every single time no matter the situation* i am not in integrity and therefore, why would someone hire me for anything let alone their wedding?

    The second part of this is that I have planned large corporate parties such as Christmas and anniversary parties as well as Galas attached to Board of Directors meetings. the only difference I have been able to see between these events – which last several hours – and wedding is the girl in the White dress. The idea that there is a significant difference can be pricing between the two – and yes, I have seen the budgets for comparable events – always boggles my mind. Yes, I understand a PITA charge. I have been known to use it. But really? so I can understand why some people are willing to lie to their vendors.


    1. Tahira,

      Thanks so much for chiming in. Again, there are vendors that may be unscrupulous, for sure. In. Every. Industry. As a consumer, you have the right to choose who you do business with.

      I’m sorry you don’t see the difference between a Christmas party and a Wedding. We do both and the difference is huge. Miles wide huge. You may have 10 phone calls of preplanning time with a corporate event and 96 phone calls, texts, emails from a bride. It is not a PITA factor, it is the fact that a wedding is way more special and time consuming. More specific. More detailed.

      Lying is still ugly. For both sides.

  14. People who lie to their vendors will probably get what they deserve. Liars may find that they get refunds in the mail a week before their weddings, with “I accidentally double-booked” or “A family member is sick” or “My car broke down” or …. Then the liar will have to find a replacement vendor at the last minute. How cheap do you think that will be?r

  15. “I really don’t consider our wedding any more important than any other type of family party.”

    That’s a value judgement then. If it’s not valuable or important you won’t spend as much on it. If a car is just transportation then a beater is every bit as good as a luxury car. Both get you from point A to point B. But if you value the comfort and amenities available in a higher priced vehicle you know that comparing the two is silly. Heck, if you just like heat and air and don’t like to see the road go buy through the holes in the floorboard you know that the comparison is silly……

  16. I love your response to this post! I read the actual post and it is really upsetting to read. I LOVE, I mean LOVE a good sale & the clearance racks and so on!! But when it comes to quality, I will pay for it. If I know I want some cheap shirts that will more than likely shrink if I put them in the dryer I will go to Joyce Leslie (I love this store, but their shirts shrink) but If I want quality shirts that will truly last me I will go to a place like New York & Co or H&M (great quality and much more expensive.)

    When shopping for a Wedding, the cost will absolutely go up! I also look at it like this, would you go to work in your career after you went to college, been certified, etc if you were only making $5 or $6 an hour? No way because you would never be able to feed yourself, let alone your family! You would be miserable and feel very under appreciated. If one wedding cost say $5,000 to plan and you deliver 100 hours of service, that is $50/hr which if it is full service that is normally broken down over a 10-12 month span. Say if you planned only 5 weddings that year that’s $25,000. With that $25,000 you have your regular bills plus all of your business expenses. Doable, but still a very tight budget to survive off of.

    So many Brides feel like $1000 is too much but still want 100 hours of service. If again you only planned 5 weddings that year and charged only $1000.00 that means you only made $5000 for that year. That’s $10/hr!!! Which is not realistic. Most Brides & Grooms that are paying for these weddings make at least $30,000 a year themselves.

    A wedding is NOT cheap whether you want all the bling or you want it really simple. Hiring friends and lying to your vendors to try to get a lower price is just not smart and you will regret it. This is just not okay AT ALL!! Wedding Planning is a profession that requires an experienced planner who is educated in the field. It is an investment, and when making an investment you it means you are about to spend a large amount of money. Not all can afford one or may not want to make the investment, but post like the one this young lady posted is a disgrace to the wedding industry and shouldn’t be allowed. I’m disappointed that brides are receiving very falsifying information regarding one of the most important days of their life.

    That is all! :-/

    A saddened, dedicated, passionate, non-over charging planner, who loves and cares about the clients she plans for!

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