Dear Friends and Clients,
Please excuse the very personal blog post that will follow. I’m sure you’ve noticed that I have not been posting much in August. It’s been a long month, on a very personal level.
About 5 weeks ago my father started to have fevers at night and experiencing extreme weakness. At first, we felt he was just having flu-like symptoms. At 72 years old, my Dad who takes no medication for any “old age” illnesses, started to become a little scared. When he was too weak to even walk up the stairs, it was obvious that there was a serious problem.
On August 10th, his doctor admitted him into the hospital because his blood test results showed very low sodium level. Dehydration is what I thought! It’s no big deal!!! 15 days later I would be taking my Dad home with hospice, diagnosed with Intravascular Large Cell -B Lymphoma (an aggressive, 4th stage cancer in the blood and bones).
Dad passed two days later, August 27th at 6:45am at my home, with my mom, myself and my husband at his side.
There are few words to be able to explain what we have gone through. It’s a whirlwind and an emotional tidal wave, that is so surreal you think for a second you may wake up from a not-so-pleasant dream. My father always told me that if he was going to have an illness that he wishes he would be taken quickly. Obviously God granted him his wish. For that, I am grateful.
Through out this ordeal and after; I have had such a tremendous support from my acquaintances and friends on Twitter and Facebook. To all of you, words cannot describe what your kind words have meant to me. Many of you, I have never met in-person and your friendliness was heart warming and incredible. Before Dad got too ill, I did tell him how many people were praying for him. He was amazed!
Some people make derogatory comments about social media. I say to them, they just don’t get it. My online “friends” that I have acquired have given me strength, courage, support, laughter and encouragement.
I remember the first night we brought him home, it was particularly difficult for me, because I knew he was really dying. It was late at night and I checked Twitter on my iPhone just before going to bed. My friend and fellow planner, Jennifer, had tweeted to please pray for me & my family because she knew I was hurting. There were about 10-15 tweets from (online) friends saying that they are thinking of me right at that very moment and praying. Of course, I cried ( you know, the ugly kind of crying). And I didn’t feel alone. To all of you: I am eternally grateful. And to our Special Clients: Thank you so much for your patience & understanding during this incredibly difficult time.
It is with heavy heart that I join “the club” of losing a parent. It’s a feeling that there are no words to describe. Since my parents live with us, I keep expecting to see my father walk in and say something. I turn around and expect him to be there. We don’t have bad days, we have bad moments. Probably because we are still in shock at the speed of his downward spiral. If anything this has taught me to not just “sweat the small stuff” but to actually not “sweat the unimportant stuff”.
Today is my parent’s anniversary, and they would have been celebrating 51 years together. I was hoping that he would be alive today, however we will still celebrate their commitment and love together.
I am my Daddy’s only little girl and baby. And that will always be the way it is, whether he is on this earth or not. I hope to continue to make him proud and live up to his expectations in my own way. I’m grateful that my father got to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, see me accomplish professional goals, watch me become a mother, respected my husband and become an intricate part of my son’s life. For that, I am very lucky.
much love and respect, saundra