Archive for the ‘endless etiquette’ Category

On today’s Fox 7 TV Segment with anchor person Sarah Brownlee we talked about being involved in the wedding party.

Your friend is getting married. She’s asked you to be a bridesmaid. You accept! NOW you are a “member” of a very important group on that day…….”the wedding party”. With that acceptance comes responsibility. Here are some quick pitfalls to AVOID at ALL COSTS as a wedding party member:

1. Do not complain. This warrants repeating. D-o  n-o-t  c-o-m-p-l-a-i-n. If you do not like standing for long periods of time and smiling for pictures, wearing uncomfortable shoes or a tux in hot weather, then you should decline to be part of the wedding party. Nobody wants to hear you moan and gripe. And yes, we do need to take pictures at least 2 hours before the wedding and 1 hour afterwards. Cause most of the time, you are late.
2. Do not be inflexible. If your child is a ring bearer and “nap time” is smack in the middle of our scheduled photography session, then can you try to wake the little darling up early in the morning to re-arrange his napping schedule? Or, if you know he’ll be crabby anyway, we understand. Just let us know and we can scoot him in the pictures later. But no, we cannot re-arrange 30 other family members, change the time of the wedding, our scheduled time in the church (cause Mass starts one hour after the ceremony) and disrupt 40 other vendors to let the little sweetie sleep. So please don’t ask.
3. Do not run out of money. On average, if you are asked to be part of a wedding party in your home town - then plan on saving anywhere from $500-$700 to spend on the wedding. I can hear you gasp. Well what did you think it would be? You have to buy your dress, rent your tux, buy/rent shoes, undergarments, jewelry, hairdo, plan on attending multiple parties and be expected to bring gift. So if you are in a position to not financially swing this - I am here to tell you that is OK and perfectly acceptable to decline the invitation to be in the wedding. It is better to do that than become a frustration or burden to the couple later.
4. Do not forget to eat on the wedding day. Eat a good breakfast. If you normally don’t eat breakfast, eat a good breakfast anyway. Most couples try to plan to host food at the church during pictures for their wedding party. But as you know, things don’t always work out. And sometimes, couples don’t even think about providing food. So bring some power bars and a few extra (you may end up saving everyone)! Because you know if you are tired and crabby, then we are back to Point 1. It’s human nature. And I get to see it every weekend.

Plan on! -saundra

thanks for the old school wedding party photo: library.thinkquest.org

What is UP with guests who are invited to a wedding? <brace yourselves for a rant>

You should know I have clients of all types, ethnics, religions, and financial backgrounds. In one year I could be planning a wedding with a budget of $5k to $100k.

With that said, I continue to see guests RSVP to the wedding and then NOT show. And I have to say this occurs mostly with my budget conscious brides (or maybe I am more aware of that because I know what they had to do to scrimp and save for the wedding).

When you do not show up to the wedding do you know how much you are costing the bride and groom? Let’s see: dinner, table cloth, table, chairs, centerpiece, cake, drinks, favors, plates, silverware, glasses, ceremony programs, and host cards are just to name a few of the variable costs that go into EVERY guest that is accounted for attending.

So when we expect 250 guests and only see about 200 people with several open tables, I am dismayed. Do you know how much extra food we have afterwards? What about the fact that the reception looks empty in areas?

Please, please, please….if you are invited to a wedding and have RSVP’d  to attend….and something happens where that changes, let the bride and groom know. It’s polite. It’s proper etiquette.

And send your gift. You know, IF you receive an invitation…you have to send a gift!

<rant off>

Plan on! -saundra

image: http://www.love-that-etiquette.com

I tell my clients all the time, it is physically painful to do assigned seating for your guests. But it is a MUST at a wedding with a served/plated meal.

Remember high school? And all the cool kids sat together? That is what it is like for guests to come into a huge room and try to find seating. Imagine if there are three of you in your party? You have to go from table to table…trying to find if there are three open chairs. And remember - typically you will want your guests to be able to find their seats quickly once you arrive so dinner can get started. That is difficult to do if you haven’t done your homework.

There are lots of great ideas out there for host cards (the cards that say the name of the guest and which table they are assigned to). I have a different solution for you if you have a LARGE wedding. A poster sized seating chart that not only has the layout in full color but also everyone’s names?

Think about it. If you have 350 guests, then you will on average have 175 host cards (if done on the traditional folded tent table cards). That is a lot of cards to setup. You’ll probably need two banquet tables!!!

Check this out:

This is a easy to read, simple laminated and classy poster-sized host picture. We created this and we are offering this service to couples starting at $250. That’s only $.70 a couple for a large 350 wedding. We can also insert this into a beautiful frame if you wish.

All you have to do is submit your RSVP list to us in excel format and the layout of your room. We will take it from there. Our clients get a discount for this service.

Let’s take a closer look:

Your guests will love this!!! Give us a call for a quote.

Plan on! -saundra

On today’s  Fox 7 TV Segment we talked about who and who not to tip. Really, this is always at your discretion with the exception of a couple of vendors. It’s just bad form not to tip them (but again, if they don’t deserve it - you should not feel obligated).

Here’s the skinny on tipping:

1. Always prepare your tips in advance, with some thought. Put them into separate envelopes and cash is preferred. Even if you decide NOT to tip for some reason, you don’t want to be fumbling around at the last minute. Extra bonus? Give your tips to your wedding planner and he/she will distribute for you.

2. Check your contracts to be sure that gratuity is not already included. Doesn’t mean you can’t tip extra. I recommend if you are a member at a Country Club, bring $20 for each wait staff, as you will be seeing these people again!

3. Owners of a company is at your complete discretion. But a photographer that is not the owner (while it is still optional) allows more flexibility for tipping.

4. Anywhere from 10-20% of the bill is the general rule for tipping. That is a broad stroke approach to it, but it gives you an idea.

5. The officiant does not get a tip. It is an offering/gift. And should be enclosed in a nice Thank You card. Best man gives it to him/her. In this local area, anywhere from $100-$150 is the norm unless they have traveled a distance, then you should add more.

6. If you are on a tight budget, be sure to add a dollar figure early on so you can count on this money being available.

7. Finally, as wedding vendors, we cherish upon cherish….hand written thank you cards. I cannot tell you enough how much that means to us. And it is so cheap!!!!

Plan on! -saundra

If someone you know asks this question, it can be uncomfortable and awkward. So here are some possible answers - pick or modify which one applies to your situation:

-”We would love to invite everyone, but we have decided on a smaller gathering of close family.”
- “Our (my parent’s) budget simply won’t allow us to invite a large number of people, I’m sure you can understand.”
-”Our venue has limited space and we had to scale down our guest list.”

In some cases, you may want to invite these people over for a special dinner after the honeymoon - to give them some special attention. Or not…after all it is poor taste to put you on the spot like that.

Plan on! -saundra

Clients ask me what I think about creating an A & B Invitation list. This is typically when you send out invitations to your wedding to everyone on your A list. You wait until you get the RSVP’s back and then based on that number - you send out invitations to the B list.

Now I may not be a rocket scientist, but I’m smart enough to figure out that if I get a wedding invitation two weeks before the wedding I’m either a B guest or this is a bride who is WAY behind her time line. Do you really want your guests to feel like second thoughts? Their wedding gifts to you may also reflect that same line of thinking!

However, if you are dead set on this method…then you need to have your ducks in a row. Send the A list out at LEAST 10 weeks before the wedding and have a very EARLY RSVP date (4 weeks before the big day). Then you can send your B list out immediately, which would be considered a standard time range to receive an invitation. But you better be on it and not procrastinate.

Personally, I think you’re better off just inviting people you really want to share your day with. Let the others just congratulate you or take you out for a beer later.

Plan on! - saundra